


lost

by marblemugs



Series: thoughts [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Stream of Consciousness, i dont know, i dont know it's just soft, johnten, lapslock, soft, uwu, wow that was a fancy label
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 19:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17229734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marblemugs/pseuds/marblemugs
Summary: i know you're busy. i just miss you, that's all. it's cheesy, and i'm clingy, and...





	lost

**Author's Note:**

> ten's pov bcs i think its confusing if i dont specify

i'm lost in my thoughts again, since it's so quiet in here. it's not your job to look after me, i know that. doesn't mean i don't like it. you always tell me i'm just fine on my own, i'm loud and forward enough for the both of us. i don't know much more than being noisy because it's the only way anyone ever looked at me. you look at me even when i'm quiet. you make me feel important. i like you, johnny. i like you more than i like _me_ , even. i like you. you make me so happy. i like making you laugh and knowing that i'm not just comic relief.

i'm waiting for you to come home because i finished rehearsal early, and i'm looking around the apartment that used to belong only to me, and i'm thinking about how you made it ours. our space. johnny, i think i'm in love with you. i haven't told you yet. i'm sorry. i'm a little scared to, even though you told me a long time ago. your heart is so full i can't believe it sometimes. to love me.  _me_ , of all people. of anyone. you could've had anyone. taeyong, even, who's had a crush on you since high school, who looks like he stepped straight out of an anime. jeez, johnny,  _everybody_ wants taeyong, and he was right there, and you still chose me - why did you still choose me?

there i go again, making myself unhappy. you hate that, don't you? you always say you love every part of me, but i know you hate that. when i put myself down. i'm sorry. i'm trying to stop. getting better and all that.

the door is opening, and i can feel my stomach flipping - the things you do to me, johnny. 

there you are. 

you're gorgeous, johnny, have i told you? especially in that suit. it's uncomfortable, as you've told me a million times, but you look so good in it. and you're coming towards me, tumbling onto the sofa right on top of me, and even though i'm screeching at you i really, really don't mind. please keep doing it, you big ol' bear. you're warm and gentle and i love you, i do, and i want to tell you so but i'm scared. there's nothing to be afraid of, i'm sure. not with you. you'd never hurt me. i don't think you're physically capable. i'm smiling so wide inside because you're being silly but i'm pouting at you so you'll kiss me and thank you,  _thank you_ , thank you for wanting me, for putting up with all of my shit. god. god, i don't deserve you. i'm in love with you, johnny suh. really. 


End file.
